Funny Snaps About Not Doing Your Homework

What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?

Come back essay!

how do you know asians have broken into your home?

the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway

Theory vs Reality

Little Billy had a homework assignment to compare theory and reality. The boy asked his father what the difference was between theory and reality. His father told him, 'Go ask your mother if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his mother and she says she would. Billy tells his father she would have sex with the mailman for million dollars.

The father then tells the boy, 'Now go as your sister if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his sister and she to says she would have sex with the mailman.

Little Billy goes and tells his father both his mom and his sister would have sex with the mailman and his father says, "Well son, in theory we're multimillionaires, but in reality we live with a couple of whores.

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today

Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

Teacher: did your father help you with your homework?

Student: no he did it all by himself

My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework...

... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.

What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?

He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

Joke I came up with when I was ten

So a student walks into his classroom early and approaches the teacher.
He says: "I just wanted to tell you that I couldn't do my homework last night"
The teacher asks: "Why not?"
The students replies: "Because I ran out"
Teacher: "Of notebook paper?"
Student: "No, of toilet paper"
Teacher: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Student: "I had to improvise"

It's a really bad joke but I remember my parents thought it was funny.

So i met a hooker today who said she would do anything for five bucks

Guess who got their homework done!

My friend is a prison warden currently doing sensitivity training. His homework entails "What would you do if you saw two curious inmates indulging in intercourse? "

I said "Why can't we just let bi-cons be bi-cons?!"

"I'm gonna treat you like I treat my homework"

"Oh, you're going to slam me on your desk and do me all night?"

"No, I'm going to stare at you and think there's so many better things I could be doing..."

You can explore homework paperwork reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean homework housework dad jokes. There are also homework puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did Johnny fail his programming class?

His mom kept telling him to do his homework, "No ifs, ands, or buts!"

A teacher is teaching.

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Russia's Three Steps to Homework

Step 1. Putin it off

Step 2. Stalin

Step 3. Russian to finish

Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.

Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.

Fat cow

Teacher is teaching kids

Teacher: what does the chicken give you?
Student: meat!

Teacher: what does the pig give you?
Student: bacon!

Teacher: what does the fat cow give you?
Student: HOMEWORK!!

Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room.

And I was like "*Sex-education* is so advanced now that they also give homework!"

A student walks up to his teacher...

-Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"

-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."

-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

What does the fat cow give you?

Teacher: "Kids,what does the little chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the squealy pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".

Joke provided by my ten year old son.

The student and the teacher.

JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

A teacher asks her student

Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?

Student: Honey

Teacher: What does a cow gives us?

Student: Milk

Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?

Student: Homework

H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k

Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge

A blonde was lying in the grass...

One afternoon, a college student is walking across the Green and sees a pretty blonde lying in the grass staring up at the clear blue sky.

"Getting a tan?" he asks.

"No! Do you think that just because I'm blonde I'm focussing on my looks? I'm actually a very good student and right now I'm getting a head start on my homework!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. What class is it for?"

"Astronomy!"

Q:Why Do Russian Students Always Turn in Their Homework Late?

**A:Because, all they ever learn about is Stalin.**

Q: What did the student's get as a result of never turning in their homework on time?

**A: Bad Marx.**

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

Are you my homework?

Because I wanna slam you on my desk and do you all night.

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house?

When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.

Funny Comeback

Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"

At School: What Does It Give You?

Kids, what does the chicken give you?
Meat!
Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Bacon!
Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Homework!

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

My mom told me if i didnt get off the computer and do my homework she would bang my head against the keyboard

I think she mighfkgk57mo58ktzsrazxv78p

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?

P : my dad is still in the hospital.

T : wow, this must be serious.

*1 month later*

T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.

P : Indeed.

T: well, how come?

P : he's a doctor.

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals

Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo

Why did the student eat his homework?

Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Difference between Hypothetical and actual

So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."

His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "

So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."

"But I don't get it", the boy says.

"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of whores."

I asked a friend if I could copy his calculus homework

He told me to know my limits

A teacher in class with her students

+ Alright kids, so what does the chicken give us?
- Eggs! They answer in unison.
+ Very good! And what does the pig give us?
- Meat!
+ Excellent! And how about the cow?
- Homework!

Why are Chinese kids so good at math?

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

Why are Asians so good at Math?

Their dogs can't eat their homework.

My mom said that if I don't get off the computer and do my homework she'll slam my head into the keyboard,

but I think she's jokinfreoiwjr67uiwosi94ckcjfkdald87lakdofasdkfj

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:

"What am I being stopped for?"

The cop answers:

"Drinking and deriving."

What is an extreme sport?

Doing your homework while your teacher is collecting it.

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

My ADD always beats me when I'm trying to do my homework.

The dyslexia doesn't help either.

A prostitute said she'll do anything for $30

Guess who completed my 2 months' homework

Me: Girlll! Im going to treat you like I treat my homework!

Girl: And how might that be?

Me: I'm going to slam you on the desk and do you all night long

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."

My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

Can teachers give homeless kids...

... homework?

A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight...

Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."

Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four.

Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.

I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?

Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.

Teacher: And how does this even related?

Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....

A girl once told me she was LGBTQ

I said, I asked for the homework, not the among us code.

The son of a bitch

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...

"2+5, the son of a bitch is 7"

"3+6, the son of a bitch is 9"

His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"

"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"

Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"

"Yes mom "

Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:

"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a bitch is 4?"

There was silence for a moment

Then the teacher started laughing :

"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."

***

MOM: "No more TV until you finish your math homework!"

KID: "Aww, Mom! When am I ever gonna use math in real life? I'm gonna grow up to be a super rich rock star...I'll pay people to do math \*for\* me."
MOM: "Well, why didn't you say so? That's a wonderful goal! And I know exactly how to help you pursue it."

THE NEXT DAY
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your guitar practice!"
KID: "Aww, Mom!"

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she's on to us, mathmachicken

My parents are very unfair... they scolded me for something I didn't even do!

My homework.

A teacher asked her students.

"What does the little chicken give you?"
The students replied, "Eggs"
"What does the round pig give you?"
"Bacon"
"What does the fat cow give you?"
"Homework"

For cookery class, our homework was to bake something.

I said I'd bake dog biscuits.

No idea how to, but i have a great excuse when i don't hand in my homework.

"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

I always put my glasses on when doing Math homework.

It improves division

Johnny raises his hand in class and asks, Teacher do you think someone should get in trouble for something they didn't do?

The teacher responds, Of course, not!

Johnny: Oh, good. I didn't do my homework.

Are you my homework?

Because I want to slam you down on my desk. Try to do you for 5 minutes, give up, cry, and have my dad do you for me.

What do you call a plant not doing its homework

Pro-grass-tination

It's history...

One evening as my daughter was doing her history homework, she asked me to tell her what I knew about Galileo.

"Well honey all I really know is that ... he was a poor boy, from a poor family..."

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don't give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

A little boy never saw his buttocks.

The boy never saw his buttocks all these years. One day at school he did not complete his homework so got a spanking from the teacher on the bottoms. Sobbing he rushed home and to look at the damage turned towards a mirror and shouted..

"Oh my God she split it in half. "

Why did my brother eat his homework?

Because my mother told him it was a piece of cake.

Why are dogs terrible students?

They always eat their homework

My son asked if I could help him with his math homework. He said "Do I know the square root of minus 1?"

I said "aye"

My daughter is making graphs for her math homework. Awfully suspicious...

Pretty sure she's plotting something.

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/homework-jokes.html

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